An Hour in Hell Will Teach You More Than You Know

So I know I haven’t posted in a while (again). School is really tough (as usual) and I’ve been doing other things (like trying to become a better athlete, and working on my comics), so this blog has taken a back seat. However, some stuff has happened lately that I wanted to write about.

I want to talk again about mental toughness and the importance of having a good attitude. I know I wrote about it already here but I feel like this is really important, so I’m going to talk about it again. But first a story. This is a bit long, but I think it’s worth recounting the whole thing.

The CrossFit box I go to has had a “March Madness” competition. To date, there have been 3 rounds of competition. Even though I wasn’t getting the best scores, I had managed to beat each of the opponents that I faced, making it to the “Elite 8”. The WOD to progress past the Elite 8 was as follows: 3 rounds for time of: 10 Handstand Pushups, 20 Dead Lifts at 185lbs, and 30 Double Unders. This was supposed to be a “burner” so a pretty rapid workout with a “top athlete” score of supposedly around 3 minutes. I’m a bit nervous about the double unders, because I still don’t have them completely strung together, and figure that will be the hardest part of the WOD. The dead lifts will be easy, and I’ve been working on HSPUs since the incident at the Throwdown so I think I can do those. Today I went in to do the WOD. I found one of our coaches who kindly agreed to be my judge so that my time/performance was official for the competition. Des comments that the double unders are probably going to be the hardest part for me, and that the rest should be easy. I nod my head in agreement, and get ready to start. 3, 2, 1…GO!

I rocket through the first 10 HSPUs unbroken, pause, and move onto the dead lifts, and hit those unbroken as well. As I move onto the double unders, I’m thinking “wow, that went well, I can probably do this in under 5 minutes. I’m glad I’ve been working on the handstand pushups, those weren’t bad at all.” I do the double unders, one double, one or two singles, then another double, so that I can keep up a rhythm and perform them without getting too tripped up. Then it’s back to HSPUs. I blast through the first 4 and then get majorly stuck. I can’t get another one. So I try to kip, and get one. Boom! Here we go, back in a rhythm, kip again, and miss. Damn! Pause, try it again…miss. Ugh. Des suggests that I pause a second and shake it out before trying again. I do so, and miss AGAIN! I pause again and then get another rep. Des suggests waiting full minute again before trying for my next one. I do AND I MISS AGAIN. I don’t know why but my arms aren’t working. This is not good. I get a flashback to the Throwdown and realize I don’t want that scenario to play itself out again. This time I wait almost 2 minutes before trying again. I get my elbows almost locked out, and fall over, missing the rep. Now I’m ANGRY. I’m pissed off. Adrenaline surges and I get another rep. That makes 5. Halfway there. This could take a while at this point, but I’m still positive this won’t take more than 15 minutes. As I wait, Des is offering constant encouragement. “You got this, Tommy! This is easy for you. Remember to keep your core tight as you kip, and use your hips!” I try again, and miss! Pause for a minute or so, try again, and miss again. 

I’m getting frustrated, I’m angry, and my shoulders are on fire. Jonathan, another competitor in the March Madness and one of the newest coaches/interns, comes over and starts offering encouragement as well. I miss a lot more reps, and hit a couple. By the time I get to rep number 9 of round 2, I’ve screamed in triumph every time I hit a rep, and cursed, pounded my fist on the floor, and become enraged when I missed more reps, especially when I almost lock my elbows for the rep to count, and then my feet come off the wall and I fall, making the rep not count. I’m yelling obscenities, and other people in the room are staring. Some offer encouragement, others look offended by the language I’m using. Whatever, I need to focus. Finally I get the 10, and move on to the dead lifts and double unders. By this time, it’s somewhere around the 20 minute mark. Damn! Oh well, I’ll try to get done around 30 minutes, I think that can be done if I rest a minute in between each HSPU. Des is shouting encouragement, giving me little mini pep talks, and I’m repeating over and over, “I got this. I got this. I got this. Here we go.” She says, “This is all you now, no missing any reps in this round!” I agree, I’m all fired up, THIS IS MINE! I get the first one, and rest. I get the second and third one, and rest. I get the fourth and the fifth and rest. I’m feeling incredible. This is working! Des is happy and as I’m resting between reps we’re joking. Well, Des is joking and I’m making awkward dirty jokes. Why? Because I’m good at bad jokes, and I’m feeling good about this round. It’s good to help keep my mind positive, and Des is laughing, but whether it’s because she thinks I’m a ridiculous idiot or because it’s funny I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter, I don’t really mind getting laughed at. Anyway, this is where it all starts to fall apart (more so than it has already). I repeatedly miss the next rep for somewhere around 10 minutes. Des is encouraging me, telling me that I can do it, that I’m so close to each rep. I’m not sure I believe her, as I don’t think my head has come that far off the ground, but it’s good to hear. I manage to kip through another rep and some people clap, apparently I’m being watched. I try for another after my rest and keep missing reps. Des tells me “Don’t quit! You can do it!” I’m getting really pissed off at this point again and spit back, “I’m not a quitter, I’m finishing this!” “Four more Tommy, just four more and you’re done and can move on and finish the WOD! I know you can do this!”

It’s getting close to 30 minutes at this point, and I’m still 4 reps away. I keep missing, I can’t feel my shoulders, and the sweat is stinging in my eyes. My head hurts from hitting the ground, and I’m positive I’m going to have a nasty bruise. I ask Des how bad it is, and she grimaces and says that it’s pretty bad. Oh well, chicks dig scars, and this will make a helluva story if I can get through it. I get another rep, and then one more! Maybe I can finally move on, but no, I can’t get another one.

The 40 minute mark passes.

Damn. Damndamndamndamndamn. I’m starting to doubt myself. I don’t know if I can do this. I haven’t hit a rep in almost 15 minutes. I hate this WOD. I hate this WOD. Seriously, fuck all of this and everyone and especially fuck handstand pushups. I’m angry and depressed all at the same time. My arms won’t work, and my head is raw from the bruising. Then another class comes into the room where I am, I’ve been in here so long that it’s ridiculous. They’re all taking their On Ramp course, which is an intro to CrossFit and teaches the basic movements. Wonderful, all the new members will think that this is ridiculous, and that I’m insane. At this point I really don’t care. My head is throbbing, and my neck hurts from being on my head.  All I want to do is stop. I miss another rep, fall over, and look at Des, “I’m not sure I can do this.” She gives me this look that I can only describe as a combination of sadness and disbelief combined with anger. “Tommy you have two more reps to do you are not quitting now! You can do this. Go take a walk out of the room and get back here and do this!” I nod wordlessly, and walk around shaking out my arms. Des is right, I can do this, I need to dig down deep into whatever I have left and do it. I come back in and manage to get one more rep after several attempts. I ONLY HAVE ONE HANDSTAND PUSHUP LEFT! Adrenaline surges again, and after a minute or two I try again and fail. DAMNIT! Des and the coach leading the On Ramp class are talking and he mentions that he has to turn off the music to talk to the class. Des asks me if I mind. I’ve totally forgotten that there was music playing, I’ve completely focused on what I’m doing.

57 minutes.

I mentally regoup and completely push everything out of my mind. Breathe deep. Tommy I swear to all that is good and holy that if you don’t hit this handstand pushup and finish this WOD you’re going to hate yourself. You’ve gotten this far, GET IT DONE! I get inverted, go down and bang my head on the ground. Kip, PUSH! Head leaves the floor, legs are straight against the wall, and I’m straining with everything I have left. I start to slow, to fail. NO! Somehow from the depths of somewhere, I manage to call forth one last bit of energy and strength. MY ELBOWS JUST LOCKED! I DID IT! I collapse on the floor, and then remember that I still have to do dead lifts and double unders. I’m exhausted but do all 20 dead lifts unbroken. Double unders, I get a few, trip, get a few more, and trip up again. I’m working like a zombie, just pushing through it. I finally finish the last double under and collapse.

57 minutes, 59 seconds.

Just short of an hour for a workout that should have taken around 3 minutes. Damn. Obviously I did not win this round of the competition.

But here’s the important part. Even though that sucked more than anything, I learned a lot from it. I learned about myself, and I learned the value of the encouragement of others. Also, I learned that banging your head on the floor for 50something minutes will leave a nasty bruise and leave you with a sore neck.

Without Des, I wouldn’t have gotten though even half of that WOD. Her calm guidance and encouragement helped me to attack the HSPUs in a somewhat logical fashion. I was so frustrated by the second round of HSPUs that I probably would have ended up trying repeatedly and injuring myself in the process, and then been unable to finish. Then, when I was completely unable to fathom going on, she motivated me to keep pushing. She offered constant encouragement, interspersing little bits of advice here and there, always in a positive manner. Thank you Des!

Thank you to everyone else who cheered me on as I struggled through that WOD. It was a relief to hear positive encouragement from those passing through the room.

I learned some important things about myself today.

1. I will push through and persevere through tough times because I won’t quit. This is especially true if I have someone there to offer some words of encouragement.
2. When the going gets tough, I tend to curse a lot. I may need to work on that.
3. When I keep  hitting a wall (literally in this case), I need to step back and reassess the situation in order to form a better plan of attack, and to keep me from doing something stupid and getting hurt in the process.
4. Negative thoughts are progress killers. I need to keep those out, and focus only on the positive in order to be at peak performance.
5. Surrounding myself with positive people is absolutely necessary. Just one person saying “you can do this” is enough to turn a failure into a success.
6. I’m not the best at everything, or maybe even anything, but I don’t care. I’m going to go out there and give it my all. Every. Single. Day. No matter what. No more doing things half-assed. Life is too short to do things without full effort.
7. Losing isn’t always a bad thing. At the very least it will expose flaws in yourself that you may not have realized existed, and upon which you can now focus on making better. It can also bring to light some amazing qualities and character traits that make you step back and go, “Wow, I didn’t know I had that in me.”

Even though this was a really tough WOD, I’m glad I did it. I’m sore, yes, but that will go away. What I’ve learned today will stay with me, and will hopefully help me to be a better athlete, a friend, and a better person. Over the door to the box is the quite “Be better today than you were yesterday.” I can’t wait to meet future me, because he’s one incredibly awesome guy.

That’s all for now, I hope you enjoyed reading.

- Tommy