An Hour in Hell Will Teach You More Than You Know

So I know I haven’t posted in a while (again). School is really tough (as usual) and I’ve been doing other things (like trying to become a better athlete, and working on my comics), so this blog has taken a back seat. However, some stuff has happened lately that I wanted to write about.

I want to talk again about mental toughness and the importance of having a good attitude. I know I wrote about it already here but I feel like this is really important, so I’m going to talk about it again. But first a story. This is a bit long, but I think it’s worth recounting the whole thing.

The CrossFit box I go to has had a “March Madness” competition. To date, there have been 3 rounds of competition. Even though I wasn’t getting the best scores, I had managed to beat each of the opponents that I faced, making it to the “Elite 8”. The WOD to progress past the Elite 8 was as follows: 3 rounds for time of: 10 Handstand Pushups, 20 Dead Lifts at 185lbs, and 30 Double Unders. This was supposed to be a “burner” so a pretty rapid workout with a “top athlete” score of supposedly around 3 minutes. I’m a bit nervous about the double unders, because I still don’t have them completely strung together, and figure that will be the hardest part of the WOD. The dead lifts will be easy, and I’ve been working on HSPUs since the incident at the Throwdown so I think I can do those. Today I went in to do the WOD. I found one of our coaches who kindly agreed to be my judge so that my time/performance was official for the competition. Des comments that the double unders are probably going to be the hardest part for me, and that the rest should be easy. I nod my head in agreement, and get ready to start. 3, 2, 1…GO!

I rocket through the first 10 HSPUs unbroken, pause, and move onto the dead lifts, and hit those unbroken as well. As I move onto the double unders, I’m thinking “wow, that went well, I can probably do this in under 5 minutes. I’m glad I’ve been working on the handstand pushups, those weren’t bad at all.” I do the double unders, one double, one or two singles, then another double, so that I can keep up a rhythm and perform them without getting too tripped up. Then it’s back to HSPUs. I blast through the first 4 and then get majorly stuck. I can’t get another one. So I try to kip, and get one. Boom! Here we go, back in a rhythm, kip again, and miss. Damn! Pause, try it again…miss. Ugh. Des suggests that I pause a second and shake it out before trying again. I do so, and miss AGAIN! I pause again and then get another rep. Des suggests waiting full minute again before trying for my next one. I do AND I MISS AGAIN. I don’t know why but my arms aren’t working. This is not good. I get a flashback to the Throwdown and realize I don’t want that scenario to play itself out again. This time I wait almost 2 minutes before trying again. I get my elbows almost locked out, and fall over, missing the rep. Now I’m ANGRY. I’m pissed off. Adrenaline surges and I get another rep. That makes 5. Halfway there. This could take a while at this point, but I’m still positive this won’t take more than 15 minutes. As I wait, Des is offering constant encouragement. “You got this, Tommy! This is easy for you. Remember to keep your core tight as you kip, and use your hips!” I try again, and miss! Pause for a minute or so, try again, and miss again. 

I’m getting frustrated, I’m angry, and my shoulders are on fire. Jonathan, another competitor in the March Madness and one of the newest coaches/interns, comes over and starts offering encouragement as well. I miss a lot more reps, and hit a couple. By the time I get to rep number 9 of round 2, I’ve screamed in triumph every time I hit a rep, and cursed, pounded my fist on the floor, and become enraged when I missed more reps, especially when I almost lock my elbows for the rep to count, and then my feet come off the wall and I fall, making the rep not count. I’m yelling obscenities, and other people in the room are staring. Some offer encouragement, others look offended by the language I’m using. Whatever, I need to focus. Finally I get the 10, and move on to the dead lifts and double unders. By this time, it’s somewhere around the 20 minute mark. Damn! Oh well, I’ll try to get done around 30 minutes, I think that can be done if I rest a minute in between each HSPU. Des is shouting encouragement, giving me little mini pep talks, and I’m repeating over and over, “I got this. I got this. I got this. Here we go.” She says, “This is all you now, no missing any reps in this round!” I agree, I’m all fired up, THIS IS MINE! I get the first one, and rest. I get the second and third one, and rest. I get the fourth and the fifth and rest. I’m feeling incredible. This is working! Des is happy and as I’m resting between reps we’re joking. Well, Des is joking and I’m making awkward dirty jokes. Why? Because I’m good at bad jokes, and I’m feeling good about this round. It’s good to help keep my mind positive, and Des is laughing, but whether it’s because she thinks I’m a ridiculous idiot or because it’s funny I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter, I don’t really mind getting laughed at. Anyway, this is where it all starts to fall apart (more so than it has already). I repeatedly miss the next rep for somewhere around 10 minutes. Des is encouraging me, telling me that I can do it, that I’m so close to each rep. I’m not sure I believe her, as I don’t think my head has come that far off the ground, but it’s good to hear. I manage to kip through another rep and some people clap, apparently I’m being watched. I try for another after my rest and keep missing reps. Des tells me “Don’t quit! You can do it!” I’m getting really pissed off at this point again and spit back, “I’m not a quitter, I’m finishing this!” “Four more Tommy, just four more and you’re done and can move on and finish the WOD! I know you can do this!”

It’s getting close to 30 minutes at this point, and I’m still 4 reps away. I keep missing, I can’t feel my shoulders, and the sweat is stinging in my eyes. My head hurts from hitting the ground, and I’m positive I’m going to have a nasty bruise. I ask Des how bad it is, and she grimaces and says that it’s pretty bad. Oh well, chicks dig scars, and this will make a helluva story if I can get through it. I get another rep, and then one more! Maybe I can finally move on, but no, I can’t get another one.

The 40 minute mark passes.

Damn. Damndamndamndamndamn. I’m starting to doubt myself. I don’t know if I can do this. I haven’t hit a rep in almost 15 minutes. I hate this WOD. I hate this WOD. Seriously, fuck all of this and everyone and especially fuck handstand pushups. I’m angry and depressed all at the same time. My arms won’t work, and my head is raw from the bruising. Then another class comes into the room where I am, I’ve been in here so long that it’s ridiculous. They’re all taking their On Ramp course, which is an intro to CrossFit and teaches the basic movements. Wonderful, all the new members will think that this is ridiculous, and that I’m insane. At this point I really don’t care. My head is throbbing, and my neck hurts from being on my head.  All I want to do is stop. I miss another rep, fall over, and look at Des, “I’m not sure I can do this.” She gives me this look that I can only describe as a combination of sadness and disbelief combined with anger. “Tommy you have two more reps to do you are not quitting now! You can do this. Go take a walk out of the room and get back here and do this!” I nod wordlessly, and walk around shaking out my arms. Des is right, I can do this, I need to dig down deep into whatever I have left and do it. I come back in and manage to get one more rep after several attempts. I ONLY HAVE ONE HANDSTAND PUSHUP LEFT! Adrenaline surges again, and after a minute or two I try again and fail. DAMNIT! Des and the coach leading the On Ramp class are talking and he mentions that he has to turn off the music to talk to the class. Des asks me if I mind. I’ve totally forgotten that there was music playing, I’ve completely focused on what I’m doing.

57 minutes.

I mentally regoup and completely push everything out of my mind. Breathe deep. Tommy I swear to all that is good and holy that if you don’t hit this handstand pushup and finish this WOD you’re going to hate yourself. You’ve gotten this far, GET IT DONE! I get inverted, go down and bang my head on the ground. Kip, PUSH! Head leaves the floor, legs are straight against the wall, and I’m straining with everything I have left. I start to slow, to fail. NO! Somehow from the depths of somewhere, I manage to call forth one last bit of energy and strength. MY ELBOWS JUST LOCKED! I DID IT! I collapse on the floor, and then remember that I still have to do dead lifts and double unders. I’m exhausted but do all 20 dead lifts unbroken. Double unders, I get a few, trip, get a few more, and trip up again. I’m working like a zombie, just pushing through it. I finally finish the last double under and collapse.

57 minutes, 59 seconds.

Just short of an hour for a workout that should have taken around 3 minutes. Damn. Obviously I did not win this round of the competition.

But here’s the important part. Even though that sucked more than anything, I learned a lot from it. I learned about myself, and I learned the value of the encouragement of others. Also, I learned that banging your head on the floor for 50something minutes will leave a nasty bruise and leave you with a sore neck.

Without Des, I wouldn’t have gotten though even half of that WOD. Her calm guidance and encouragement helped me to attack the HSPUs in a somewhat logical fashion. I was so frustrated by the second round of HSPUs that I probably would have ended up trying repeatedly and injuring myself in the process, and then been unable to finish. Then, when I was completely unable to fathom going on, she motivated me to keep pushing. She offered constant encouragement, interspersing little bits of advice here and there, always in a positive manner. Thank you Des!

Thank you to everyone else who cheered me on as I struggled through that WOD. It was a relief to hear positive encouragement from those passing through the room.

I learned some important things about myself today.

1. I will push through and persevere through tough times because I won’t quit. This is especially true if I have someone there to offer some words of encouragement.
2. When the going gets tough, I tend to curse a lot. I may need to work on that.
3. When I keep  hitting a wall (literally in this case), I need to step back and reassess the situation in order to form a better plan of attack, and to keep me from doing something stupid and getting hurt in the process.
4. Negative thoughts are progress killers. I need to keep those out, and focus only on the positive in order to be at peak performance.
5. Surrounding myself with positive people is absolutely necessary. Just one person saying “you can do this” is enough to turn a failure into a success.
6. I’m not the best at everything, or maybe even anything, but I don’t care. I’m going to go out there and give it my all. Every. Single. Day. No matter what. No more doing things half-assed. Life is too short to do things without full effort.
7. Losing isn’t always a bad thing. At the very least it will expose flaws in yourself that you may not have realized existed, and upon which you can now focus on making better. It can also bring to light some amazing qualities and character traits that make you step back and go, “Wow, I didn’t know I had that in me.”

Even though this was a really tough WOD, I’m glad I did it. I’m sore, yes, but that will go away. What I’ve learned today will stay with me, and will hopefully help me to be a better athlete, a friend, and a better person. Over the door to the box is the quite “Be better today than you were yesterday.” I can’t wait to meet future me, because he’s one incredibly awesome guy.

That’s all for now, I hope you enjoyed reading.

- Tommy

Throwdown but Don't Throw Up

So this past weekend was the Crossfit Tri-State Throwdown. There were three divisions, Masters (for older competitors), Recreational (for fun, with scaled movement options), and Competitors (hardcore/kickass). The coaches at my box told me that I should do the Competitors (or “Rx”) division, even though I don’t really have all the staple movements down yet. For example, at the time I couldn’t do pistols (one legged squats with leg extended in front of you) or double-unders (jump rope with the rope passing twice under foot per jump). They said not to worry, and to do it Rx’d anyway. I said screw it, and decided to go in the Competitors division. As I mentioned in my last post, I was nervous heading into the competition. Excited, yes, but still nervous. I even made a Facebook post “My stomach is doing flip-flops...never competed before and was talked into doing the Rx division. Fuck it, go big or go home right? I'm excited!”

I want to say this first: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO MADE THIS COMPETITION POSSIBLE! Thank you to the coaches that pushed us in the weeks and months before the event and had faith in us. Thank you to those that organized the event and did all the work behind the scenes, without you we wouldn’t have been able to compete. Thanks to the judges and equipment movers who volunteered their time to help make the event happen and run smoothly. Thanks to the other athletes for the maximal efforts that everyone put forth, and for the excellent conversation and advice and help. Thank you to the spectators and fans, family, and friends, who showed up to cheer everyone on. The positivity and enthusiasm that was present all day was phenomenal! I’m so glad to have been part of this wonderful event!

Before the event I had to pick up some dried fruit for snacking between WODs so I head to the supermarket. I pick up some dried blueberries and apricots, and some dried apples and start to head to the checkout line. I’m dressed in workout clothes, and wearing a hoodie, carrying dried fruit, and headed to an athletic competition. As I’m walking out, I see a man in one of those motorized cart things. The man must weigh at least 340lbs, and has two cases of beer in the cart. We obviously have different priorities. On one hand, I’m glad I’m in my position, and have made the choices I’ve made, but on the other, I know nothing about this man or his story. In my mind therefore, I wish him luck and all the health he can have, and move out to my car and on to the competition.

So, I get to the event, and the first WOD was an 8 minute AMRAP. I can handle this. Movements? 9 box jumps at 30” then 6 handstand pushups, then 3 front squats at 185lbs. Boom, this is mine. I can totally rock this out. I’m worried about the box jumps because I know I get winded easily, the rest should be pretty simple. 185lbs is a heavy front squat, but it’s only 3, and my legs are strong. Handstand pushups? Not worried at all, I can rock those out like it’s nobody’s business.

3,2,1, GO!

I’m off. I rocket through the box jumps, flip upside down and blast through the handstand pushups unbroken, without a kip. Boom. Onto the front squats. I squat clean the first rep, and slightly lose my balance. No problem. Adjust. Finish the two reps, back to box jumps. Blow through those, this might not be bad. It’s only 9 of them at a time, I can manage this. Glance at the clock, holy crap I’ve just broken a minute, I have tons of time to go! Handstand pushups, here we go! The first rep is no problem. The second is much more difficult. The third I can’t get. I try to kip. No luck. I curse, stand up and shake it out. Try again. No go. My arms won’t work. I try again. I kip harder. I can’t seem to lock out my arms. I’m pissed off, I can normally do this no problem. I try again and fail again. My judge is urging me on. I pause, try to breathe, try to focus. Upside down again, down and touch my head to the ground, PUSH! I don’t move. My head is still on the ground. I don’t know what’s going on, and fall over. I glance at the clock, only 2 minutes down, I have 6 to go. Come on, Tommy, you can do this. Breathe, feet up, head down, kip, PUSH!! Elbows lock out and YES! My judge yells out “Three!”. Three? Damndamndamndamndamn I need to do another three to move on to the next movement. Glance at the clock, 2:16 down. This is going to be a long AMRAP. I’m fired up, I’m aggravated, I’m angry, I have to keep going! I try for another rep and fail again. This is ridiculous. Either I’m sweating more than I thought, or I’m crying in rage because I keep failing (I pray it’s sweat, a grown man crying is never good, we’re going to say it’s sweat stinging my eyes). I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up. Don't throw up. Don't throw up. DON'T YOU DARE THROW UP.  I don’t know if I can manage another three reps, but I’m not here to stop, I’m not here to fail, I’m here to kick some ass, so I fight it and manage to push out another 2 reps (totaling 5) of handstand pushups before the clock sounds and the first WOD is over. I stand up, lightheaded, sweaty, and red-faced from effort and the time upside down. I sign my scorecard and move to make way for the next heat to start up. Wow, that was rough. I still have 3 WODs to go. This is going to be a long day. I brush it off, and psych myself up for the next WOD. I’m not out of this competition yet. It’s still on!

The second WOD was also rough. It was 3 rounds for time, with an 8 minute time cap, of 20 chest-to-bar pull ups and 10 clean and jerks at 135lbs. Pull ups are my thing. I can rock those out for ever. Clean and jerks? Not so much. But I have this. Here we go. I rock out the first 20 pull ups unbroken, and on to the clean and jerks. These really knock the wind out of me for some reason. I finish the 10 reps in more than double the time that it took me to do the pull ups. That’s ok. I move back to pull ups and rock out 10 no problem. Pause, another 5, pause, and finish up the last 5. Glance at the clock, damn, I only have 2 minutes to go and still need to do another round on top of the clean and jerks from this second round. Ugh. Here we go. One down. I can’t breathe. I pause and suck wind. I really wish my aerobic capacity was better, I’ve been working on it but my lungs can’t keep up with my muscles right now. Not the time to think about that, however, time to pick up the bar again. I get through some more reps, and need to break to breathe again. I can’t believe this is so difficult. I can do this. I squeeze out the last reps in round two with seconds to spare. I get back on the pull up bar, and get one pull up before the buzzer sounds. I “DNF’d” (Did Not Finish) the WOD, but I’m proud of how I did, that was a difficult workout, with a lot of weight, and a short time cap.

Time goes by, and they restructure the heats according to rankings. I have lots of time before my next WOD, and I talk to lots of people. People from my box who I haven’t met before, and only know via Facebook, now become new and actual friends. I meet new people from all over. We talk, we joke, and we compare scars. I feel better about myself talking about the WODs because others seem to be struggling as well. We discuss training, and life outside of Crossfit. We talk about jobs and school and all sorts of things.  We trade recipes for stuff, and I munch on jerky, almonds, and dried fruit.

Then it’s time for the next WOD...

This one I’m really excited for. It’s mostly a brute strength test. That’s one thing I’m good at. We had 6 minutes to find our one rep max (1RM) axel clean and jerk, followed by a 4 minute break, and then a 6 minute max distance row. I’ve never touched an axel before, but I’m pretty sure I can do this. I’ve seen the video showing the proper technique and am fairly confident I can pull it off. Rowing is going to suck, but if I can remember to breathe, I should be fine. The buzzer sounds, and I’m stacking weights on the bar in preparation for my first attempt. I figure I can make maybe 3 or 4 attempts in the 6 minutes, so I plan accordingly. I know I can probably hit 195lbs easy, and based on my previous 1RM with the normal Olympic bar, I think I might hit around 245lbs tops. I go for 205 straight off the bat, and miss. My technique was off and I lost balance and control of the bar. I gather myself up and attempt it again and completely nail it. I throw on another 20lbs, deciding to go for 225. I pause, giving myself time to recover before trying the attempt, knowing I have to put forth some serious effort. I take a deep breath, keep my back straight, and power through the movement. I wobble a bit at the top of the jerk, but that’s ok, I made the rep. I look at the clock and notice I only have a minute and a half left. I have enough time for one more lift. I look around for more weight, but only see either 5lb plates or 35lb plates. I didn’t think this through correctly, and would have to change more plates to go up to 245lbs, and I don’t think I have enough time. Crap. Oh well, I’ll just use the 5’s and try for 235. That last one was pretty difficult anyway. But here we go. 20 seconds left. The MC of the event has seen that I put up 225, and now comments that I’m about to try for 235. I set up, take a deep breath, and explode from the floor. The bar comes up, I catch it, switch my grip, and get it up to the front rack position. People cheer. New breath, tighten up the entire core and body, dip-drive and put forth as much effort as possible. The weight goes up, my elbows lock out, and I stand up straight. My judge yells “Down!” and I drop it and scream “YES!” as the MC announces that I’ve got the high score for my heat, and the highest male score so far. I’m really happy and proud of myself. I think that if I had more time I probably could have got 245lbs or maybe more, but I’m happy with it, and excited that I’ve finally done well in the competition. I move on to the row, and push through it. By the end, I can’t breathe, but I’m still riding high from the axel clean and jerk, and manage to push through it, fall off my rower when the buzzer sounds, and gasp for air. I drag myself out of the nice sweat puddle I’ve created, and move out of the way of the next heat.

The last WOD is announced and my heart drops. It involves the two things I can’t do: pistols and double-unders. It’s three rounds for time of 7 dead lifts at 275lbs, 14 pistols (7 per leg) and 21 unbroken double-unders. It’s not that I can’t do double-unders, it’s that I can’t do more than 2 or 3 in a row. This WOD calls for 21 unbroken. Crap. Oh well, I’m going to go out there and try my best anyway. I may even manage to pull it off somehow. I get some hints from other competitors on how to do pistols, and I practice before the heat, and manage to get one with each leg (that’s a PR!). I can do this! The buzzer sounds, and I’m off. I blow through the dead lifts, and move onto the pistols. I don’t care about 3 rounds. I just want to get through one. I slowly do first one pistol then another. They’re not pretty, and I wobble and struggle through each one. I’m close to the crowd, and I have several friends there cheering me on. They know how much I’ve struggled with these movements and their yells of encouragement push me forward. I get no-repped, which means that I didn’t complete the movement fully, and have to do it again. I grimace and do it again, and this time the rep counts! I have tons of time, and I push through the last couple pistols. My friends are yelling and I’m absolutely stoked that I did it. Now on to the double-unders. I do a couple singles to warm up, and then spin the rope and manage one rep before I catch the rope with my shin and stop. Damn. I try again. And again. And again. I hit 2 in a row. Try again. HOLY CRAP I GOT FIVE DOUBLE-UNDERS IN A ROW!!! That’s a new PR! I can’t believe it, I’m stoked, my friends are yelling and smiling, and it doesn’t count for the WOD but I don’t care. I keep trying, I hit myself with the rope over and over again, and manage to get sets of 4 or 3, but mostly 1’s and 2’s. It doesn’t matter. I’ve done more than I was able to do before and that’s all that matters.

Overall I hit several PR’s at the competition:
1. 235lb axel clean and jerk (never touched an axel before)
2. 14 pistols! (could not get 1 before the competition)
3. 5 Double-Unders in a row (could only get 2 beforehand)

I ended up coming in 44th out of 53 athletes in the Competitive Division. I’m hooked. I think I caught something at the Tri-State Throwdown. It's pretty bad, and I'm not sure if anyone else came down with the same thing, but I wanted to raise awareness that it was there. However, I'm not talking about an illness, (though some may ignorantly call it that) I'm talking about a new addiction. I think I drank the competitive Kool-Aid, so to speak. Even though I got my ass royally kicked on Saturday, I can't wait to compete again!






That's it for now,

Tommy

Mental Toughness

So I've been thinking about stuff a lot today. Mostly about mental toughness and how that plays into all aspects of life. More specifically, how it effects my life and how I can become mentally stronger, and thus a better human being.

For a while I've been my own worst enemy. In high school I ran track and wrestled. Especially in track, I would get halfway through a run or a workout and it would start to get difficult. I'd talk to myself, and tell myself things like "OK Tommy, this is far enough, you've put in a lot of effort. Take this shortcut on the route and walk a bit and make sure you get some rest. You've done a good job." This sort of thinking was easier, yet it was a thousand times worse for me as a person and as an athlete. I thought I was doing something good for myself, but instead I was just hurting myself. My thought process was along the lines of Clint Eastwood, "A man's gotta know his limitations." The problem was that I didn't know what my limitations were, and instead stopped myself short. I did this with other aspects of my training, and I probably suffered for it. This continued up until recently. When I started Crossfit I would get mid-WOD and say "I can't do this," but I'd continue with the WOD, at a pace less than my max.

Within the last couple months, I realized how I was hindering myself. I decided to make a change. I tried pushing myself more and more in each WOD. It wasn't that helpful, but I made some progress. The real improvement came when I watched the 2011 Crossfit Games. It made me realize the incredible lengths I can be capable of if I just put my mind to it. Since then, I have put everything I have and more into each and every WOD. I'm not going to lie, I still get inside my own head, but I'm combating it. How? I may feel like I can't continue any more, but then I count down from 3 and when I reach 1, I force myself into the next rep or round or whatever the task may be. From here it will only get better!

I'm determined to keep this mentality going. I will be a better athlete. I will utilize this mentality in other aspects of my life. I will be the best that I possibly can be, and will strive to help others to push themselves to their full potential as well.

That's all for now, let me know what you think.

- Tommy